I found love through heartache

I am on a journey. It is the same journey as before but something has changed.

 I have always been looking for love and acceptance. I think being adopted started that feeling of not being loved completely, not being accepted. At some point, as I got older, I thought my future husband would fit the bill for loving me unconditionally and completely. Twenty-four years of friendship and eighteen years of marriage proved that not even my best friend loved me the way I wanted, and was told, I deserved. I gave, and gave, and GAVE in that relationship but alas, he made different choices. I blogged about some of it and it was the MOST devastating thing that has EVER happened in my life. When my birth mother rejected me for the second time, that was also devastating but it is second to the ending of my marriage. I still miss my best friend deeply. I mourn for the loss of my children not having a father and a "normal" life, as they call it. But we are okay. We are moving on with life the best we can. Not having closure has been hard and we are trying to figure out how to find what works and move on. So what I thought would be my answer to that love I was looking for, wasn't.

But I did get an answer!!

I found that love I was looking for. Oh did I find it. It is awesome and amazing and wonderful! The funny/sad part is that it was there the whole time! I am now trying to teach my children about this wonderful love and have had some beautiful talks with my oldest daughter . She is amazing by the way!
 This love has changed my life! I don't think I would have found this love if I hadn't gone through the heart wrenching trials of the last few years. I sometimes wonder if I had found it earlier in my life, if my marriage would have survived. I look back on many times in my life and have such deep regret. Normally I would let this get me down. But this love is so complete and unconditional that I know I have to forgive myself and move on. I am learning to make each day a little better than the one before. This love is so empowering! I have learned to love myself which is almost as amazing as finally finding love!

My years of searching are over~

I have an amazing Father who loves me unconditionally and completely even when I falter. He always has! He loves me so much He gave up something of great worth that He also loves. That realization was powerful! I have always known He was my Father but I just didn't get how much He loved me. I'm not sure why I didn't know this but I didn't. I thought He was too busy and important. I thought I wasn't good enough. Boy was I wrong! I am a daughter of this amazing being, and He loves me! He has always been there but He never pushed Himself or His love on me. He was waiting for me to come to Him. As a mother of six children, four of which are teenagers, I understand that. Sometimes it's better to let your children come to you as they seek answers, help, etc. Just another way He shows me He loves me!
I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father and He loves me!!! I found a priceless gift in His love and care for me. I found what I've always been searching for.

I want to share this love with others. Below is one of my favorite talks and the experiences shared, part of one of my favorite movies!
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2004/10/the-power-of-gods-love

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YIKES!

Wow.
 I can't believe how long it has been.
So much has happened in my life since I last posted on here.
I don't even have the same life!
I think I'm going to start up blogging again.
This time will be different.
I'm not sure why I started blogging but I know why I'm going to start again.
Stay tuned!!