Watching You Self Destruct

I cannot decide which hurts worse, you ignoring me, you abandoning your family, or you self destructing.

No,losing your soul to the evil of the world is what hurts the most.

You are bound so tightly you cannot see what you are doing to yourself, nor anyone else around you.
The denial has been growing day after day, year after year.

Now, you are on your own, and you will have to face the devil in the mirror.
Powerful help is but a prayer away.
Physical help, but an easy phone call.

Will you seek for help or give in once and for all to the misery that has laid claim to you all these years?

I pray that you fight.
That has always been my hope.
No one can do it for you, God knows I have tried.

Now it comes down to you and him.
Who will win?
Will you fight?
Will you struggle to break free from the darkness pulling you down?
There are no fence sitters-please jump to the right side!

Look for the light-it IS in you.
Let Him help you.

We are praying for you.
We love you.
He loves you.




Lucifer said them to you when you left,
now say them back as you rebuke him and his evil~
I'll see ya in anotha life brotha

Speechless

There is no word to describe what happened in that moment when I first realized what this meant. The feelings and thoughts will never be forgotten but to describe them in one word,well that would be impossible. I thought that I'd felt every rotten feeling known to mankind but I was oh so wrong. Speechless is what this has left me. Utterly lacking for words. I expect any day for a tornado or hurricane or volcanic eruption,something,anything, to sweep away my family and home. It really can't get much worse.

Don't tell me this doesn't matter. Don't tell me justice will be served one day in the future when God is the judge. It doesn't take away the hell I am in. Humankind has let me down in a way I didn't know existed. This country has left me feeling defeated til I can't even move. There is NO justice in our courts and there are NO lawyers who are in it to do the right thing. Journalism has NO LAWS. School districts and those they employ can do whatever the **** they want regardless of who they hurt in the process, ESPECIALLY innocent children.

THE LAST DAYS?! HELL YES THEY ARE HERE!!!!!! And guess what? I HATE them. I am so unprepared for how evil they are and the range of people that get sucked into the darkness they provide. CHANGE? I wish! HOPE? How can there be? How fitting in these last days to have those two words thrown around. Too bad the change that continues to happen snuffs out any hope for the struggling few trying to make this a better place to be.


Honesty, Integrity, Responsibility, Humility, Charity, oh how we need you!

"THE" plan

I've been giving a lot of thought to "THE" plan lately. You know, the one where we come here to get a body and all that stuff. It hasn't made sense to me for a while now. Like none of it, at all. So,I think it's time to go back to the beginning. That's right-it's Bible time. I need to know and understand that book of God like no other. Even Isaiah!
I don't know if I'm scared not "knowing" as much as just feeling lost and kinda bummed. It just doesn't work for me like it used to. Realizing that you really are on your own solo journey with only God and His Son, as well as the Holy Spirit.....it's just something I've never had to think about, and leaves me feeling lonely.I was taught to believe in family but now I know that it is just a fairy tale. I am an individual and my salvation does not rest on anyone but me and thankfully my Savior, Jesus Christ. I don't know why the last several months have put me here but I believe there is an answer out there somewhere. Now just if I can find it.......................



Oh and by the way-----mean, selfish, fake people SUCK

Christlike much?

One day, OUT OF THE BLUE, this arrived:

You pride yourself in speaking your mind. Telling people what you think…pulling no punches.



I’m going to be honest with you. I do not want to continue this relationship. I do not feel good about it. You truly belong to the ________(family name). I only gave you a body.



I will be glad to answer questions you may have about family history.



Sincerely

A Friend and Forgiveness

I am so thankful to have a wonderful friend who isn't afraid to talk about life, share struggles, express joy, and set a wonderful example. She also doesn't judge or reject me for my problems and imperfections. We are all here to help each other. We ALL have things happen in life-good and bad, sad and happy. It is hard to not make excuses for poor choices, past life, and thoughtlessness~but we are all human. We all make mistakes and we all hurt. We also feel joy and happiness. We can be forgiven and we can forgive. We can let others take the blame for their mistakes instead of burdening ourselves with guilt. We need to forgive ourselves and move forward. Forgiveness is a beautiful gift. It blesses my life. I learn more about it every day and how to use it in my life. Thank you my dear, sweet friend for reminding me of who I am, where I came from and where I am going.

Wishes aren't always what they seem

"Be careful what you wish for."
I can't count how many times I've heard that over my longish life. Not necessarily said to me directly, but something you just hear every so often. I understand that saying and it's implied 'threat' is very real. Whether it's a wish, hope, or prayer~we don't always know what's best for us.

I have a lot to learn about myself. I think I know what's best for me but I am usually wrong. That's a pretty self-defeating thing to have happen. I am realizing that I have a long way to go and to some extent know what to do to get there. I just need to be sure to listen to the right influences.

Now I know I need to stop expecting things.
I will never get what I want on this round ball.

One thing I've wanted more than anything since I was very small, will not be realized in this life. It is a crushing blow, but if I'm honest, I think I've known that my whole life. I don't know why my life has been the way it has but I have faith there is a purpose. I'm starting to see it and maybe even a light at the end of a long, very dark tunnel. I just wish I didn't have to physically walk the path alone. I know I'm not alone spiritually~I never have been, even if I've thought it.

I did get one wish that I'd wanted since I was tiny. Again, it was not what I expected. It healed me inside and I have to hang on to that very important fact and the wonderful Spiritual experience it provided me. Unfortunately it has caused rifts in long-standing relationships and those barely begun. This has been most confusing and sad. Times like this I want to...
Run away and hide.
Drop off the radar.
Be as if I never was.
Is it funny or sad that they wouldn't really notice? Par for the course in my book.

I now only have one more wish. This is a safe wish. I know it's up to me to achieve it. I know I will have help, even if I can't see it. Why do I feel so different? Why do I see things in ways no one else does? Life makes things so much more complicated. It would be so easy if I was by myself, but I'm not. Making it all work has always been a challenge and I know it may get worse. Do what needs to be done regardless of anyone or anything!

Wish me luck! :)